I spent the majority of my twenties in Nairobi, so it’s not surprising that this is the East African city in which I have had the most dating experience. For most of the time that I lived there, my girls and I LOVED to complain about how horrible Kenyan guys were. In our opinion, they were not gallant enough, suave enough, and well, they just didn’t know how to treat women well. Since we were living in Nairobi, however, and were surrounded mostly by Kenyan men, we did what we could. If we couldn’t beat them, then we just had to join them (though I must admit that I dated more Ugandan men than the average Nairobi gal because 1) I am part Ugandan and 2) because Ugandan men, in my opinion, did know how to treat women well).

One Saturday, when I didn’t have much to do, I stopped by Textbook Centre at Sarit to run an errand. There, I spotted a book called The Surrendered Single (whose subtitle read: A practical guide to attracting and marrying the right man for you – what?!) which featured a hip, ladylike cartoon character (phone in hand) on its cover that had me a little intrigued. Half-jokingly, I bought the book and headed home for a leisurely Saturday of reading. The book was rather interesting (understatement of the year! ), and though I found it a little traditional, it made me think twice about how we, “modern young women”, deal in our interactions with men. To keep a long story (very) short, the book changed me profoundly, especially with regard to how I relate on the dating scene. Much to my surprise, seemingly overnight, I seemed to no longer be surrounded by the “badly behaved” men that I so loved to complain about. Instead, my datebook filled up with dates with perfectly sweet and gentlemanly (mostly Kenyan) men. This got me thinking: could the bad behavior that Nairobi women so often complain about in Nairobi guys have something to do with how these same women behave? I am still mulling it over but it seems that I’m not the only one to have considered the thought (check out Looking for Kenyan Husbands…?, All the Single Ladies, and Just Buy a Ticket Already…). Maybe it’s a chicken-and-egg thing.

Anyhow, I’ve since learned the error of my ways and no longer stereotype whole groups of men, or women, based on their nationality (no matter how tempting it is ). The dating scene in any country is made up of individuals, and dating experiences will be as varied as the individuals involved (am I being too P.C. here? LOL ).

But that’s just me. I’d like to hear from you: In your opinion, what’s dating like in your corner of East Africa? What is your experience of  men and/or women where you live? What are common dating practices in your area?

Before I sign off, allow me to share with you some links that I found on the subject. I hope you find these as interesting as I did, and that they make you consider different points of view that you may never have considered before. If they raise any thoughts that you would like to share (keeping in mind the value of being respectful and tolerant of others), then I’d love to hear about it in the comment section below.

1. How the East African Community Will Affect Social Relations – an interesting look at what increased interaction between East African countries will mean for interpersonal relating
2. If It Benefits ‘Common’ Men and Women, Hail This Market – not exactly about dating but still an interesting commentary by Charles Onyango-Obbo that touches on male-female interaction
3. KENYA: Dating dilemmas: Risk rejection or stick to positive partners? and Joanna: “Dating is hectic, so I put a personal ad in the paper” - reflections on HIV-positive dating in Kenya and Uganda, respectively
4. One Gay Man’s Adventures in Uganda and A Gay Wedding. In Uganda! – two gay perspectives both about Uganda, the first one written by a foreigner, the second by a Ugandan
5. OyungaPala.com – I can’t say enough how much I LOVE to read Oyunga Pala. Check out his blog for the perspective of a straight-talking Kenyan man who isn’t afraid to tell it like it is!
6. Why are Rwandan men scared of modern women? – an interesting Facebook discussion on the relational challenges faced by “modern” Rwandan women

Otherwise, that’s it from me. I wish you a fantastic end to your week and look forward to reading your comments.

Until the next time,
Biche

P.S. If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to this blog! You can subscribe by email or in a reader of your choice.

Photo Credit: Don Giovanní

Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers,
and his mother called his name Jabez,
saying, “Because I bore him in pain.”

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying,
“Oh, that You would bless me indeed,
and enlarge my territory,
that Your hand would be with me,
and that You would keep me from evil,
that I may not cause pain!”
So God granted him what he requested.

-  1 Chronicles 4:9-10 (NKJV)

As I was reminded when reading 40 Days and 40 nights, Lent, the period of the Christian year leading up to Easter, is upon us! With nearly 65% of all East Africans practicing some form of Christianity, I trust that many of you, my readers, are observing Lent this year. To keep in line with the spiritual nature of the season, today I will permit myself to discuss something a little more religious than usual. How about we discuss the bestselling book The Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson?

If you’ve never heard of The Prayer of Jabez, or its central figure Jabez, allow me to begin by sharing some background information. Jabez, a little-known Biblical figure, can only be found in the Bible in two verses – the two verses  quoted at the start of this post. The Bible doesn’t say much about Jabez other than that he was honorable, that he prayed to God asking for blessings, and that God granted his request.

The Prayer of Jabez, the book, is also built upon these same two biblical verses. The 92-page book, which became a #1 New York Times Bestseller in 2001, advocates praying as Jabez did, word for word,  to invoke blessings upon one’s own life. Although this book met with great success, it also came against a lot of criticism from some Christians.

When I first heard of The Prayer of Jabez, back in 2001 or 2002, I didn’t pay it much attention. Personally, although I pray regularly, I am not a believer in rote prayer, which is what this book seemed to me to be espousing. Also, due to its mass popularity and the fact that Jabez is such an obscure Biblical character, I imagined that this book offered a shallow seemingly-spiritual quick-fix that would appeal to the masses because of its promise of instant gratification but that held no real significance or substance.

And then, almost a decade later, a family friend lent me the book, recommending it highly. The bibliophile that I am had to give it a read. Frankly, I didn’t take much from the book after a first read – as I said, I am not one for rote prayer – but neither did I find the book as heretic as I expected it to be.

More recently, I came across a couple of articles that seemed to strongly condemn The Prayer of Jabez and its author. Although I found many of the arguments against the book sound, I didn’t remember drawing the same conclusions as the critics did when I read the book. The critics seemed to condemn Wilkinson for promoting Jabez’s prayer above all other prayers and inciting believers (and maybe even non-believers) to forgo forging a deeper relationship with God and instead recite Jabez’s prayer, word for word, in the hopes of “cornering” God into unleashing his blessings upon them. As one article put it, The Prayer of Jabez promoted the power of prayer and not the power of God. And so, I decided to read the book again.

After a second read, I still found the critics unduly harsh. Although the book is about the prayer of a fairly unknown Biblical figure, I felt that the author’s purpose in writing the book was to share his own experiences with praying Jabez’s prayer and to expound on why he believed  the prayer was such a good one. I did not get the impression that he was saying that Jabez’s prayer was superior to all other prayers nor that it was to be prayed in isolation. Also, although one may think that praying Jabez’s way is all about amassing wealth and other such blessings for self, I think Wilkinson did a good job in clarifying, through the examples that he gives in the book, that praying Jabez’s prayer is also about praying for more opportunity to be of service to God and a blessing to others. All in all, especially after a second read, I found this book to be a lot more substantial than I had first expected.

But that’s just my opinion. Have you ever read The Prayer of Jabez? If so, what were your thoughts about the book? How about Jabez’s prayer itself? Is this a prayer that you feel can “avail much”? Do you have any personal experiences that you would like to share about praying Jabez’s prayer? If so, I’d love to hear all about it.

That’s all for me today. To all my non-Christian readers, I apologize if you feel left out by this post. To all my Christian readers who are observing Lent this year, I wish you a deeply spiritual Lent as you contemplate a central tenet of your Christian faith.

Until the next time,
Biche

P.S. If you enjoyed reading this post, subscribe to ChickAboutTown to be sure not to miss future posts. Sign up to receive posts directly by email or subscribe in a reader of your choice.

Chances are that many of you, my readers, have already either watched or read The Secret. Today, I would like to share a bit about The Secret with those of you who haven’t, while engaging those of you who have in a discussion as to whether “the secret” contained in The Secret is really the secret to successful, joyful living.

So first of all, what is The Secret? The film, which was released before the book, is a documentary-style movie consisting of interviews with authors, philosophers, and scientists about the secret to prosperity, health, relationships and happiness. The book, containing the same material as the film, was published 7 months later, with both the book and the DVD version reaching the top of the bestseller lists. What was the secret espoused in The Secret? Sorry, I am not going to be a spoiler. To find that out, you’ll have to read or watch The Secret yourself. For a sneak peek into The Secret, though, here is a summary of some of The Secret’s teachings found on the movie’s official website.

Personally, I enjoyed the first edition of the movie very much (the one that included Esther Hicks, who was subsequently edited out of later versions) – I haven’t read the book yet. The film was fast-paced, visually captivating, and chock full of fascinating concepts.  It did not slow down for a second! After watching the movie many times (understatement!), I have since incorporated a number of The Secret’s teachings into my daily life. For example, now I “want what I really want” and don’t temper my desires by whether or not I think I can have whatever it is that I want. Also, I’ve learned to take keen note of what my emotional guidance system tells me, staying away from places, people, or things that incite negative emotions in me and moving towards those that elicit positive ones. Two years after first learning about “the secret”, I can attest that I am now a more peaceful, positive, happy human being than ever before (and finally, I now understand what my Aunt meant when she once told me that I was uncomfortable with happiness and could never just let good things flow to me – D. T. O., thanks for sharing that insight! ).

Still, I am not sure whether or not “the secret” espoused in The Secret is truly the secret to successful living. One major issue that I have with The Secret comes from past experience. In my life, I have experienced first-hand the benefit of negative emotion. There’s nothing quite like being sick-and-tired of a situation to propel me to do something about it. Also, I’ve experienced that a little bit of worry and anxiety helps me get stuff done. Sometimes, I wonder: if I constantly stop myself from experiencing negative emotion, then might I not just  become complacent and lose a great energy source that I have used in the past to create positive change?

That’s just one conflict that I have with the material presented in The Secret. The other has to do with how God fits into the paradigm of The Secret. I believe in God and my relationship with him/her is an active part of my life. Sometimes, I feel that The Secret leaves God out of the equation of living, which is something that I cannot reconcile myself to.

And now, I’d like to hear your views: What do you think of The Secret? Is “the secret” espoused in The Secret the secret to life? If you haven’t read or watched The Secret yet, then I am sure you can find the book at a bookstore near you. Check it out. Then, let me know what you think when you do.

I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Until the next time,
Biche

P.S. To be sure not to miss future posts on ChickAboutTown, sign up to receive posts directly by email or subscribe to ChickAboutTown in a reader.

Update courtesy of Tamtam of Funua blog: Here’s the website for this book. Thank you for sharing this information, Tamtam.

We are now done with the first two months of 2009. How are you doing with keeping your New Year Resolutions? What were your New Year Resolutions this year? Were they the usual: quit drinking or smoking, be more healthy, maybe lose weight?

I stopped making New Year Resolutions a while back because setting out on a new, more disciplined direction in life in the middle of the festive season sounds, to me, like setting oneself up for failure. Instead, I set resolutions any other time of the year, whenever inspiration strikes.

Still, for those of you whose New Year Resolutions, this year, include becoming more healthy and loosing weight, I would like to share something with you that helped me, tremendously, when I too had set similar goals.

To give you a little background, I was clinically obese for the better part of my life. At the age of 24, though, I decided that lugging around so much weight no longer served me. I felt: if I intended to do all the things that I dreamed of doing during my life, then I definitely needed to be more lithe and energetic. This is how, after an exhausting mountain climbing experience, I began to gym regularly.

Gymming and exercising regularly made a great difference in my life. Almost instantly, I found myself stronger, more energetic, and more vital. Unfortunately, exercise alone did nothing to reduce my body weight. Although I felt great, I still found myself 36 kilograms overweight, a few months before my 25^th birthday. That fact alone might have never propelled me to action (I guess I had learned to live with excess weight), but when I started to outgrow my size 20 clothing, vanity required that something be done.

At first, all I wanted to do was to fit back into my clothes comfortably. When I started to see the weight drop off fairly easily, though, through some minor adjustments to my diet, I began to get a little more ambitious. I figured: why not go all the way and end my weight woes, once and for all? Why not shed weight until I was within the healthy weight range for my height? It seemed like a stretch, because I had been overweight for over 15 years, but somehow I was willing to try.

Six months later, I had successfully shed 15 of the 36 kilograms that I intended to lose. I was pleased with the weight loss but was emotionally fatigued by the weight loss journey. Six months of constantly paying attention to what I was eating and how much exercise I was getting had taken a toll. Still, not one to give up, I was determined to succeed. I was going to lose the remaining 21 kilograms…I just needed it to happen a little faster. As I do whenever I need something seemingly impossible to happen in my life, I turned to God and prayed.

The next morning, it occurred to me to try a weight loss regimen that had worked for me when I was a teenager in high school. I had found the regimen in a book called Fit for Life and during one summer holiday, the weight had fallen off me, quite easily, without too much stress. I headed to Textbook Centre at Sarit Centre to see if, perhaps, I could find this book again.

I did find Fit for Life, but as I was perusing the health and fitness section at Textbook Centre, I also spotted The Eat to Live Diet: Lose 20 Pounds or More in Six Weeks – Safely by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. At first, I scoffed at the book primarily because of its title. It sounded like one of the many get-thin-quick gimmicks that I knew were very unlikely to yield results. Everyone knows, after all, that it’s virtually impossible to lose that much weight in such a short amount of time, right? Still, after perusing the book and reading its back cover, I decided to purchase it too. In fact, when I got home, it’s the book that I decided to read first.

I read and read and read The Eat to Live Diet, and it seemed to make a lot of sense. Still, I didn’t think that the kind of diet it espoused would be one that I could follow easily. It espoused eating a lot of vegetables (particularly leafy green ones), fruits, nuts, and beans almost to the exclusion of all else, especially during the first six weeks of the regimen. Although I was keen to shed the remaining 21 kilograms of weight that I still had to lose, I was not willing to do so by being uncomfortable and constantly hungry. I went to bed that night thinking that The Eat to Live Diet, though theoretically interesting, was not something that I was going to try out for myself.

The next morning, The Eat to Live Diet was still on my mind.  On a whim, I thought: let me try it out for a day and see how I feel. In the morning, I did nothing different; I had my usual bowl of fruit salad which was acceptable according to The Eat to Live plan. At lunch, though, instead of my regular meal, I decided to have a big plate of cooked spinach (I had lunch at a canteen near my then-workplace and had a limited selection of vegetables). I was sure that I would be hungry again within two hours or so. Wrong! I didn’t think about food again until 5.15 pm, right before I left work that evening. All on a plate of spinach? I was impressed.

Somehow, one day led to the next, and I found myself practicing The Eat to Live Diet (Is this where I should thank God? Thank you, God!) for several months. In this time, I was never hungry on the regimen and the results were astonishing. Within 3 months, I had lost another 15 kilograms, in half the time it had taken me to lose the first 15 kilograms. Honestly, these were exactly the results I wanted but had never dared to hope for.

But that’s not all I gained from following The Eat to Live Diet. Although I am telling you about The Eat to Live Diet from a weight loss perspective, the diet itself is geared towards providing maximum health to those who follow it. During the time that I followed The Eat to Live Diet, I had increased energy (never suffering from the common afternoon post-lunch slump) and cannot remember suffering from ailments such as the common cold and the like. I was in really good health in all ways. Another unexpected (but pleasant) side-effect of The Eat to Live Diet for me was increased financial health. Yes, that may sound surprising, but since fresh produce, which is what I was predominantly eating, is a lot cheaper than processed foods in Africa, my bank account was also happy that I was eating this way. All in all, The Eat to Live Diet, was a real blessing.

Five years after the fact, the 15 kilograms that I initially lost through The Eat to Live Diet have still not returned. Those who have battled with the bulge know what a feat that is. Altogether, having lost the 30 kilograms I mention in this post truly changed my life – for the better. Furthermore, now that I know exactly what it takes to shed weight healthily, I don’t live in fear that one day, I might wake up to find myself as overweight as I once was.

If you are currently battling excess weight and have no clue what to do to win the fight, then get yourself a copy of The Eat to Live Diet and learn how you, too, can quite easily (with a little discipline) bring your weight under control. I got my copy of this book at Textbook Centre, so that is a great place to start looking, but most likely, you’ll be able to find a copy of this book at a bookstore near you.

When you do, let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Until the next time,
Biche

P.S. By the way, I did reach my goal of losing 36 kilograms. To be precise, I lost 38.5 kilograms!

P.P.S. To be sure not to miss future posts on ChickAboutTown, sign up now to receive posts directly by email or subscribe to ChickAboutTown in a reader.

Have you read this book before? Will it live up to my expectation (no spoilers please!)? I am an avid fan of Paulo Coelho, and I think I must have read every book he has ever written that has been translated into English except for The Witch of Portobello and Like The Flowing River. I’ve been saving those two for a really special moment.

In case you are wondering who Paulo Coelho is, among other things, he is a Brazillian writer who is among one of the world’s Top 5 best-selling authors of the day. If you have ever read any of his books, you might even be surprised to know that he was recently elected to the Brazillian Academy of Letters. I say surprised because Paulo Coelho’s books are all so simply written, mostly in fable style, and are not what first come to mind when I think of literature. On the surface, his stories are so simple that they could be understood by a pre-adolescent child – note I say on the surface. Behind the apparent simplicity of his writing, lie deep insights on life. If you’ve ever heard of a book called The Alchemist, then you’ve most probably heard of Paulo Coelho. The Alchemist could possibly be his most famous book.

The Alchemist was the first of Paulo Coelho’s books that I heard of. I read it once when I was at University and, quite frankly, I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. It was a beautifully written story about a shepherd boy in pursuit of his dreams, but I found it to be futilely pessimistic. I read it again many years later when I too was in the business of actively pursuing my dreams. All of a sudden, I understood why everyone loved the book so much. Hidden within this apparently simple story, were deep life truths that I could now finally relate to because I had a little more life experience. :-) (Still, I think the story was just a little fatalistic. Does anyone out there feel the same way?)

The Alchemist, however, does not even begin to get on my list of favorite books by Coelho. Top on my list is a book called Manual of the Warrior of Light. I cannot count the number of copies of this book that I have bought. I have bought several copies for myself (because people keep borrowing it and not returning it). I have bought some for friends. Again and again, I have bought this book.

Manual of the Warrior of Light is a collection of newspaper columns written by Paulo Coelho in the ’90s. Each page of Manual of the Warrior of Light is a new passage, an inspirational thought, a message of wisdom and guidance and encouragement for the Warrior of Light. The Warrior of Light is, according to the book, someone who seeks to fight the good fight. I understand that to mean anyone who lives their life trying to do the right thing or to live according to ”higher principles”. No matter how many times I read Manual of the Warrior of Light, I still contemplate it as though I am reading it for the first time. Each time I read through it, I walk away with a new nugget of knowledge that I find directly applicable to my life.

Two other books on my Top Three Books by Paulo Coelho List are The Devil and Miss Prym, a book about a human experiment on the nature of mankind – are we inherently good or evil? – and The Zahir, about obsession.

Wow! Paulo Coelho’s books are really something! His earlier works such as The Pilgrimage, The Valkyries, and The Alchemist are highly spiritual and esoteric, while his later works such as Veronika Decides to Die, Eleven Minutes, and The Zahir are a lot more modern and secular (though still as deep). If you’ve read just his earlier works or just his later works, try one of the titles from the other group and see what you think of that style. Whatever the case, I have never read a bad Paulo Coelho book to date!

Are you familiar with the works of Paulo Coelho? If so, what do you think about them? Which are your favorite of his books? Which ones are you looking forward to reading? If you’ve never read a Paulo Coelho book before and are looking for something soulful and heartwarming to read, this might be just the thing for you.

Books by Paulo Coelho are readily available in most bookstores in East Africa. Check them out and let me know what you think.

Now, let me head out to pick up that copy of The Witch of Portobello.

Toodles,
Biche

Three years ago, I wanted to take my then-boyfriend on a trip to see the ocean. He was turning 27 and, believe it or not, had never seen the ocean. He was Ugandan, born and raised, and had never been outside Uganda. My birthday present to him that year, I decided, would simply be: a visit to the ocean.

Sometimes, I have grand ideas without necessarily having the cash to fund them. This was one of those times. :-) Still, not to be discouraged, I decided to take him on a surprise (therefore all expenses paid) trip to our very own coast, here in Kenya. This was definitely going to have to be a budget trip because on top of the visit to the ocean, I had a number of other serious financial commitments to honor that same month.

As a first step towards planning our trip, I began to ask everyone I knew about how to make a budget trip to the coast. I am not sure if it’s just that I have super posh friends or that Africans don’t do budget holidays, but whatever the case, I didn’t really get much help from those around me.

One day, I walked into a colleague’s office only to find her on the phone. Not in a great rush, but really needing to speak to her, I decided to wait for her to finish her call. The phone call took quite some time, so in the meanwhile, I began to thumb through a copy of The Rough Guide to Kenya that a friend had just returned to her. I immediately asked to borrow it. This book seemed to have just the kind of information I needed to plan my surprise trip.  That was my first experience with a book from The Rough Guide Series. Let me just say, I’ve never looked back!

The Rough Guide to Kenya helped me plan a fabulous budget getaway that included a night on Mombasa’s south coast, and two nights in the enchanting town of Malindi. Other highlights of this trip included a wonderful first-class train ride to the coast and a drive through the town of Kilifi. Furthermore, this cost me no more than what a serious weekend of hanging out in Nairobi would have. The Rough Guide to Kenya had detailed information about accommodation, transportation, and entertainment for travelers of all kinds. I loved that the information was so detailed that we managed to get from the railway station to our hotel on the south coast almost entirely using über-cheap public transportation.

I hate to admit that I never did return The Rough Guide to Kenya to my colleague. (Sorry L.O., if ever you read this post.) I became just too attached to it. I’ve used it to plan many other getaways and even sometimes use it to get information for Nairobi, a city that I have lived in for over 6 years and that I know pretty well.

If ever you feel like traveling and do not necessarily know where to go (especially if you are looking for a place close to you), just buy a Rough Guide to your country or city, pick a place, and start planning. If on the other hand, you’ve recently moved to a new city and want to know it more intimately, a Rough Guide can help there too. Basically, whenever you are faced with a new locale and want to know the ins and outs of it within a short time, The Rough Guide Series is definitely the way to go. After all, by using The Rough Guide to Tanzania, I managed to find a Standard Chartered Bank ATM in Arusha with only a couple of minutes to drive through. Wouldn’t you love to have that kind of information at your fingertips at all times? If so, what are you waiting for?

I wish you great discovery with The Rough Guide Series.

Biche

P.S. To be sure not to miss future posts on ChickAboutTown, sign up to receive posts directly by email or subscribe to ChickAboutTown in a reader.